I’m not scary, am I?
Recently, I have been told several times that people know not to mess with me. I would like to know when I became scary. When I was young, I was shy and never would even stand up for myself. My mom wanted me to get some confidence, so she encouraged me to get involved in my elementary school choir. Soon after, she encouraged me to audition for the children’s theater group in our area. This is how I slowly gained more confidence and slowly some of my shyness went away. The stage was a good place to feel good about myself. Somewhere along the line, I also learned how to stand up for myself and push for what was important and not just roll over. A lot of this confidence and assertiveness came with having a son with special needs. I learned early on that we would only get what we need if we speak up, speak often and speak loudly. Unfortunately, being sweet and shy and not wanting to be pushy, gets you nowhere. I was fighting for my son, which is different than wanting something for yourself. When you know that you are the only one who can fight for your child and for something that is needed, you can become something you don’t recognize. For example, when I had a doctor telling me that I could not bring me son to the office for 2 months after seeing him in the hospital and putting him on seizure meds, I flipped out. He told us that when he saw us the last time in the hospital and told us our son did not have seizures and so should not be on seizure meds that his former partner put him on, we did not come to the office to see him. In his estimation, since it wasn’t important to us to see him in his office before, it wasn’t important for him to see us now. Okay, who plays these kinds of games? We knew before this time that he wasn’t a real good doctor; but, at this point we knew he was a creep and I said so.
Recently, we had a school official tell us she was changing our son’s school for the 3rd year in a row. We didn’t want another change and felt is was important for Parker to stay at the school where he was last year. It is close to home, he is finally used to it, and he is small and not able to care for himself in most ways. They were going to put him in a school that is 20 minutes from home with older kids where he will be one of the youngest. We were concerned for his safety and worried about the distance should we need to get to him quickly. Despite what our previous doctor said, Parker does have epilepsy and he is on several medications and has a VNS, vagus nerve stimulator. He is also not stable yet and our new doctor told us it was imperative we be close by, in case of an emergency. Long story short, we managed to get him placed in last year’s class, but, I didn’t get anywhere until I pushed and made a stink. This assertiveness goes against my grain, but it is the only way to get anywhere. So, I ask again “Am I scary?’